It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
