Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
