We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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