i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
