i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
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I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
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I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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