nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
