New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
