I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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