i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
