I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
