thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
