She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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