She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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