So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I deserve this hangover.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
