something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Come on in and take your pants off
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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