so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.