i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
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No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
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If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.