Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow