well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
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He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
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On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off