threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
