hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
