Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize