At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
