I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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