singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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