Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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