Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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