I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
