i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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