____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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