Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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