I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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