it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
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According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
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So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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