i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
