I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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