i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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