There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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