I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
