dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This is the high leading the old right now
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
