dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
