This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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