I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
