I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
