Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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