He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i love accidental penises.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
