Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Randomize