Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I think your dad took our porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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