I am spending my child support on dildos
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
