he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
