I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
