His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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