3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
