On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
