I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
