Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You ate ashes out of my bong
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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