So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
