Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
