You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
