So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Randomize
