What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
