i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
