Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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