that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
