probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
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you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
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I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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