We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i wish my penis had a tongue
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
