not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
