break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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