don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
