I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
