So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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