none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
