Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Randomize
