I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
