I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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