I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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