Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
