i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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