Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
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We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
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We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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