i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
