you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
