hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
