please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
